Your job: Raising kids who can live on their own.

Upcoming Evening Parent Support Events

Upcoming Evening Events:

Parenting and Children Professional Panel  -  Wednesday, November 4^th

Inferiority! AKA:   I can’t!!!!!!  -   Tuesday, November 10^th

See below for more information on both classes.

Wednesday, November 4^th - 
Childhood Development and Parenting Professional Panel

This event will host a number of local experts in the fields of childhood development and parenting.  Come for the free Community Dinner at 6 and then enjoy the event from 6:30 - 8ish.  Childcare provided!  No need to RSVP

When:  Wednesday, November 4, 6:00 - 8 pm 

Where:  The Presbyterian Church of the Big Wood at Saddle Road and Warm Springs

What to bring:  Just you, and come for free dinner at 6 o'clock as well!

Cost:  FREE!

Who’s invited? Anyone who would like to learn from the expert panel

RSVP Required for Childcare only

Call or email Carrie at Big Wood Church 
to Reserve a spot
622-0548
carriek@pcbw.org

November 11^th - 
Inadequacy   

This class will discuss inadequacy and what to do when children suffer from the I can’t syndrome.  

Redirecting Children's Behavior outlines 4 "Mistaken Goals" that shed light on inappropriate behavior, why it might be occurring, and how to defuse and avoid it.  

The Mistaken Goals are:

• Inappropriate search for power (aka Power Struggles)
• Inappropriate attention seeking  (doing anything it takes to get attention)
• Inadequacy (the "I can't" syndrome)
• Revenge (I hate you!  You never do anything nice for me!) 

When:  Tuesday, November 10, 6:00 - 8:00 pm

Where:  151 Bordeaux St, in West Ketchum  -  Hosted by Allison Connelly

What to bring:  $20, an appetizer or beverage to share, and your wonderful self!

Cost: See "What to bring" 

Who’s invited? Moms, aunts, grandmothers, teachers, coaches … Anyone working with children and/or youth

Why come? Parenting and working with children is one of the hardest jobs with the least amount of training any of us will ever do.  Come for new perspective on “bad behavior,” to add to your working with kids toolkit, and to have an evening away from home with lots of other lovely ladies!  Really, WHY NOT COME?

RSVP Required

Call, text, or email

Britta Hubbard

970-445-8079

rcbwithbritta@gmail.com

Halloween Tips for Parents

Hello all!  This just in from the founder of International Network for Families and Children on tips for a safe and fun Halloween.

This just in from me, Britta:  Remember - Halloween is supposed to be fun. Don't string yourselves or your kids out too much and a little candy once in a while won't damage anyone too much.  Have the kids chew Trident or Spry gum after eating candy and the Xylitol in those gums will help bring their mouth environment to a neutral base which will help prevent cavities  (That is what Dr. Ben Franz DDS says!)

-Britta

Parenting Tip:  Top 7 Halloween Tips For Parents Halloween can either be fun and exciting or become a Halloween Horror night. Getting as much candy as you can seems to be the goal of the night. Although fun,  it can often leave our families feeling empty even when our bags are full. Here are some tips to make Halloween more joyful and satisfying. Make sure your child eats a healthy meal. Consuming massive doses of sugar without eating a healthy meal prior to trick or treating is a prescription for disaster. Make Halloween a family holiday. Instead of allowing your children go off with friends, go trick or treating as a family. (You can invite friends to go along.) This allows older children to still be able to trick or treat without feeling guilty! Let older children paint the faces of younger children. What a great way for them to bond! Create memories. Your kids won't remember or even care about the candy 5 years from now. But they will remember memories that were silly or bonding. One family decided to have different family members dress up like one of the seven dwarfs. They will be laughing about this for years to come. As you go through the day, ask yourself, "Is this fun or is this stressful?" If your answer is stressful, stop what you are doing and find a way to make it more fun. For example, if your child gets fussy, maybe it's time to go home rather than try to work through it. Don't let your need for perfection ruin your holiday. Is having that last curl be perfect worth the tension perfection creates? Lighten up! This is suppose to be fun! Emphasize connection vs. consumerism.  Talk with your kids about connecting with their neighbors as they go trick or treating. Rehearse  with your children BEFORE you leave for Halloween. Have them practice saying "Thank you!" "Are you having fun to night?" Or "What was the funniest Halloween costume you have seen tonight?" before launching off to the next house. Don't bicker for days after Halloween with your children about eating candy. Instead, donate extra candy to our troops atOperation Shoebox. This will help your kids feel like they are making a contribution to making someone's life a little more bright. By Kathyrn Kvols, Redirecting Children's Behavior kkvols@mac.com

Misbehavior at your house? Don't Get Even, Get Curious.

Have you seen the video floating on Facebook of the woman who finds her two toddler age children with an empty 5 pound bag of flour and a living room coated it white fine powder?  The video is about 3 minutes long and you can hear the woman tour her living room saying, "Oh my gosh." over and over and over.  Her mantra for staying calm.  

Near the end she says, "It's like a snowman puked all over my living room."  

At one point her youngest, maybe about 1 1/2 years old, shows her the empty bag and says, "See? See? See?"  

"Ya, I see," she replies calmly, "you emptied the whole thing."  Then he toddles off proud and happy as can be.

I watched the video with my father-in-law recently, and we both laughed and were amazed at her calmness. Now, what happened as she got off camera who knows, but her ability to breathe through the apparent "destruction" of her living room while also speaking to her children calmly and with humor and love amazed me. It made me think of the different perspective we have as parents when compared to our children's perspective in these types of situations.  

This woman sees her couches ruined, her floor a mess, her vacuum looking at being clogged, her walls needing to be wiped down, and so forth.  The kids, as is evident in the video, see the most fun floor slide and drawing material of all time.  They have been extremely creative with their use of flour and are amazed at its ability to soar through the air, fluff on the couch, and move on the floor.  

"Wow!" The kiddos think with amazement.

"Wow," the mama thinks with amazement.

And yet, those two wows and those two feelings of amazement sit inside them in such different ways.  

This mama took something that could have made her irate and instead approached it with calm and I hope curiosity.  Curiosity to see her children did not mean to destroy anything, they did not mean to make her day bad, they did not mean to leave her in a state of shock. They did mean to be curious, creative, and have a ball.  

We all can remember this woman when our children "misbehave," act out, or do something we see as crazy. Like her, we can remember to get CURIOUS. 

• What did they discover and learn? 
• What were they seeking and did they find it?  
• What were they thinking?  (and then actually attempt to figure out what they were thinking rather than what we wish they were thinking!) 

This curiosity can calm the storm inside and gives a chance to connect heart to heart about what the child's actions were really all about.  

After curiosity, we can move into action - talking, cleaning, making limitations for the future, having the child help fix the problem, etc.   For example, in the case of this flour, support their curiosity, but also have  natural consequences take effect in requesting help cleaning up and then putting specific boundaries around the flour.  

For example:

"Wow!  I can see you really had fun decorating the living room with flour!  Hmm.... but I have a problem, I don't want the living room decorated with flour. Can you help me solve my problem?"  

"We can clean up!"  

"Indeed, let's collect the broom and vacuum and start cleaning, and in the future, the flour can be used for cooking and not for decorating."   

Verses:

"AAAAAHHHH my living room!  What are you two doing?  Go to your room, you have destroyed this living room!"  

Which conversation would you want to have put into your face?  Which creates connection, learning, and comes from a place of "I love you no matter what."?

Curiosity helps us understand our relationships better, our role in them and how to feed them more completely.  

Next time your kiddos (or someone else in your life) are driving you nuts, get curious about what they are after rather than mad for what they are doing.  You will be amazed at what you learn and how you different the situation is handled.  

See the Flour Video here: Its like a snowman puked all over my living room!

Good Things,

      Britta

Seeing Blame for What It Is Changes Everything

Recently I sent  Dr Brene Brown's video "Blame" to a variety of clients and friends, about a week later, one of those friends and I were chatting and she commented on how the video had caused change in her family.  She and her son watched it together and it had become a conversation topic around their house during the week and both of them had caught themselves or others blaming. They talked about how it "wasn't Steve's fault" in the video and could translate that reality into their own lives and relationships.  She also shared that many times she had said things like, "It's not your bike's fault you crashed." or "It's not your skis fault you fell," but not until the video made the event outside of her son did he really get it.  Steve still comes up in conversation for them and therefore the acknowledgement of blame and thus responsibility in their own actions and conversations.  Wow!

I wonder how seeing that video during elementary school can change the children in that family? What will their relationships look like in the future?

Since then, a client commented on how amazing the video was and how she is totally a blamer and wants to change to become more responsible for actions.

I wonder what that change will look like for her and for her family?

I would like to think the conversations and changes can keep happening in these homes and then translate out into their future and thus into our own families' futures.  Little changes across the community can and will change the whole community.

If you were one of those who watched the video already, how has it affected you?  If you haven't watched yet, please do so, and then let me know what you think and how you live life afterward.


What I can say for myself and blame is this:
Many mornings in 2014, my children were late to school. I tried desperately to blame this on my children; I know, it sounds ridiculous on paper.   However, as I saw myself trying to shame them with blame and take as little blame on myself as possible, I realized how irresponsible I was being. Although certainly there are things the boys could (and could not) do to help us get out of the house, often the weakest link was, you guessed it, ME!

After I realized this, my emotions calmed and I just started giving grace to myself and the boys and talked about the team effort needed to get out of the house and not individual effort.  I increased my words of celebration on the days we were on time rather than just using words of frustration on the days we were late.  I got up earlier to take care of myself so I could better care for the boys which often translated to also going to bed slightly earlier to make up the difference.  I organized the front hallway so they had clear places for their school items, set up routines allowing for the unpacking of lunches and bags at the end of the school day rather than in the morning, created "sports bags" to handle any sports related items that needed to travel to school, and also kept closer tabs on what was in the kitchen to make breakfast and lunch making more efficient.  It was a whole day effort for me to work towards being more responsibly in the morning, not blaming my kids because my choices were allowing us to be late, and changing my view of us as a team and not the mom or kid's only show.

Yes, I was still late a fair amount and bless the staff at our elementary school for not kicking us out, but our lateness was different.  It was less stressful and certainly less blame oriented.

I was introduced to Dr. Brown's video after my morning experience shift, but the video solidified the feelings I have had in blame and the feelings I have had out of blame and the video continues to support a new theory I learned in the last year and a half: Blame is, for sure, not the answer. However, taking responsibility in the event, feeling my feelings around the event, and/or moving to change, perspective shift, or communicate about the event are all solid answer options for me.


Good Things,
       Britta 

Hello All! Joins us for 

Ladies' Night Out 

on Tuesday May 19!

The Evening’s Topic: 

Inappropriate Attention:  

Why do kids do it and how do I make them stop?

When:  Tuesday, May 19, 6:00 - 8:00 pm

Where:  112 Larkspur in The Heatherlands.  Hosted by Hollie Smart.

What to bring:  $20, an appetizer or non-alcoholic beverage to share, and your wonderful self!

Who’s invited? Moms, aunts, grandmothers, teachers, coaches … Any women working with children and/or youth who have watched these young folk struggle for attention in inappropriate ways.

Why come? Parenting and working with children is one of the hardest jobs with the least amount of training any of us will ever do.  Come for new perspective on “bad behavior,” to add to your working with kids toolkit, and to have an evening away from home with lots of other lovely ladies!  Really, WHY NOT COME?

RSVP Required

call or text

Britta Hubbard at 970-445-8079

Ladies' Night Out with Britta Hubbard

Hello All! Joins us for 

Ladies' Night Out 

on Tuesday January 20th!

RSVP by calling/texting Britta at 970-445-8079

The Evening’s Topic: Power Struggles - Recognize, Defuse, Prevent.

When:  Tuesday, January 20, 2014, 6:00 - 8:00 pm

Where: 901 Rocking Horse Road (4th Ave N) - Behind Atkinson’s Park tennis courts -

It is a long driveway with a PRIVATE sign posted.  Call 720-9783 if you get lost.

What to bring:  $15, an appetizer or bottle of wine to share, and your wonderful self!

Who’s invited? Moms, aunts, grandmothers, teachers, coaches … Any women working with children and/or youth who have found themselves in power struggles with those young folks. 

Why come? Parenting and working with children is one of the hardest jobs with the least amount of training any of us will ever do.  Come for new perspective on “bad behavior,” to add to your working with kids toolkit, and to have an evening away from home with lots of other lovely ladies!  Really, why not come?