Seeing Blame for What It Is Changes Everything

Recently I sent  Dr Brene Brown's video "Blame" to a variety of clients and friends, about a week later, one of those friends and I were chatting and she commented on how the video had caused change in her family.  She and her son watched it together and it had become a conversation topic around their house during the week and both of them had caught themselves or others blaming. They talked about how it "wasn't Steve's fault" in the video and could translate that reality into their own lives and relationships.  She also shared that many times she had said things like, "It's not your bike's fault you crashed." or "It's not your skis fault you fell," but not until the video made the event outside of her son did he really get it.  Steve still comes up in conversation for them and therefore the acknowledgement of blame and thus responsibility in their own actions and conversations.  Wow!

I wonder how seeing that video during elementary school can change the children in that family? What will their relationships look like in the future?

Since then, a client commented on how amazing the video was and how she is totally a blamer and wants to change to become more responsible for actions.

I wonder what that change will look like for her and for her family?

I would like to think the conversations and changes can keep happening in these homes and then translate out into their future and thus into our own families' futures.  Little changes across the community can and will change the whole community.

If you were one of those who watched the video already, how has it affected you?  If you haven't watched yet, please do so, and then let me know what you think and how you live life afterward.


What I can say for myself and blame is this:
Many mornings in 2014, my children were late to school. I tried desperately to blame this on my children; I know, it sounds ridiculous on paper.   However, as I saw myself trying to shame them with blame and take as little blame on myself as possible, I realized how irresponsible I was being. Although certainly there are things the boys could (and could not) do to help us get out of the house, often the weakest link was, you guessed it, ME!

After I realized this, my emotions calmed and I just started giving grace to myself and the boys and talked about the team effort needed to get out of the house and not individual effort.  I increased my words of celebration on the days we were on time rather than just using words of frustration on the days we were late.  I got up earlier to take care of myself so I could better care for the boys which often translated to also going to bed slightly earlier to make up the difference.  I organized the front hallway so they had clear places for their school items, set up routines allowing for the unpacking of lunches and bags at the end of the school day rather than in the morning, created "sports bags" to handle any sports related items that needed to travel to school, and also kept closer tabs on what was in the kitchen to make breakfast and lunch making more efficient.  It was a whole day effort for me to work towards being more responsibly in the morning, not blaming my kids because my choices were allowing us to be late, and changing my view of us as a team and not the mom or kid's only show.

Yes, I was still late a fair amount and bless the staff at our elementary school for not kicking us out, but our lateness was different.  It was less stressful and certainly less blame oriented.

I was introduced to Dr. Brown's video after my morning experience shift, but the video solidified the feelings I have had in blame and the feelings I have had out of blame and the video continues to support a new theory I learned in the last year and a half: Blame is, for sure, not the answer. However, taking responsibility in the event, feeling my feelings around the event, and/or moving to change, perspective shift, or communicate about the event are all solid answer options for me.


Good Things,
       Britta 

Hello All! Joins us for 

Ladies' Night Out 

on Tuesday May 19!

The Evening’s Topic: 

Inappropriate Attention:  

Why do kids do it and how do I make them stop?

When:  Tuesday, May 19, 6:00 - 8:00 pm

Where:  112 Larkspur in The Heatherlands.  Hosted by Hollie Smart.

What to bring:  $20, an appetizer or non-alcoholic beverage to share, and your wonderful self!

Who’s invited? Moms, aunts, grandmothers, teachers, coaches … Any women working with children and/or youth who have watched these young folk struggle for attention in inappropriate ways.

Why come? Parenting and working with children is one of the hardest jobs with the least amount of training any of us will ever do.  Come for new perspective on “bad behavior,” to add to your working with kids toolkit, and to have an evening away from home with lots of other lovely ladies!  Really, WHY NOT COME?

RSVP Required

call or text

Britta Hubbard at 970-445-8079

Ladies' Night Out with Britta Hubbard

Hello All! Joins us for 

Ladies' Night Out 

on Tuesday January 20th!

RSVP by calling/texting Britta at 970-445-8079

The Evening’s Topic: Power Struggles - Recognize, Defuse, Prevent.

When:  Tuesday, January 20, 2014, 6:00 - 8:00 pm

Where: 901 Rocking Horse Road (4th Ave N) - Behind Atkinson’s Park tennis courts -

It is a long driveway with a PRIVATE sign posted.  Call 720-9783 if you get lost.

What to bring:  $15, an appetizer or bottle of wine to share, and your wonderful self!

Who’s invited? Moms, aunts, grandmothers, teachers, coaches … Any women working with children and/or youth who have found themselves in power struggles with those young folks. 

Why come? Parenting and working with children is one of the hardest jobs with the least amount of training any of us will ever do.  Come for new perspective on “bad behavior,” to add to your working with kids toolkit, and to have an evening away from home with lots of other lovely ladies!  Really, why not come?

Power Struggle Workshops in December

Do you have power struggles with the children and youth you parent, spend time with, or work with? Come to one of the following workshops to learn how these power struggles come to be and how to defuse and prevent them.

Two workshops are offered in December 2014:

Who is the workshop for?
Anyone who works with children and/or youth and has power struggles with their charges...
Parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, coaches, you!

When and Where: 
December 9
The Community Campus Queen of the Hills Conference Room
6 - 7:30 pm

December 10
The Wood River YMCA Conference Room
6 - 7:30 pm

Cost:
$25 per person or $45 per couple
(YMCA members receive a $5 discount for the December 10 date)
Checks and cash only. 

Contact Britta at rcbwithbritta@gmail.com for more information